Jonathan (TSW manager) pointed this one out to me…I’ve never heard anybody speak of suicide like this before and found it interesting. Of course getting involved w/the person suffering was a good idea to me…
http://www.salon.com/mwt/col/tenn/2008/10/13/gambling_and_suicide/
We held a public performance at the Mainline Theatre (fantastic space w/amazing staff) in honor of World Mental Health Day and had a super evening. As much of a fan as I am of Grotowski’s concept of the Poor Theater, having some elements of spectacle CAN enhance the power of the theatrical experience and it did on Saturday night.
The audience of about 50 was enthusiastic about the show and most stayed for the conversation afterwards. I spoke briefly with our guest speaker, Ella Amir, Executive Director of AMI-Quebec, a service organization here in Montreal for families dealing w/”mental Illness”,” and we decided to both sit on the stage and combine the conversation about the show and about the issues raised by it. I acted as facilitator-and, like at the public show in Vermont at the Waterfront Theater, it seemed to work well with me in that role, in spite of it feeling awkward for me. I felt the depth of the discussion far exceeded what we experienced at the preview.
Many many important points were brought out in the discussion. The fact of Quebec having one of the highest suicide rates in the world was news to me. A social worker commented that from her research, it appears to be generation-specific; the 25-40 year olds now. It was speculated that this was the generation to come after the enormous and fast changes in Quebec society after the Revolution Tranquille. Another woman commented that she thought the privacy laws (stating that parents of 14 year olds and older do not have to be notified by health care professionals if their children are suffering with, or being treated for, “mental illness”) were contributing to the problem.
A CJEP teacher talked about how surprised she was at how many of her students talked about how happy they felt in their families and wondered if this was a new trend.
People were also quite generous in commenting on particular aspects of the show which they appreciated-one woman mentioned the ending, another the complexity, and another the humor.
As a group, we all talked about social factors that are helping to create a huge surge in anxiety in people-the hyperacceleration of speed (one man talked about the fact that radio announcers broadcast the time in the morning every 5 minutes and wondered how things like that provoke a sense of anxiety), the radiowaves and cell waves in the environment, food additives, socioeconomic instability as well as poverty and the struggle to make ends meet…one woman told me, after the show, that Quebec also has the highest number of people living alone in Canada and I wondered how that might be contributing to depression and anxiety.
We were lucky to have a woman who had trained in Authentic Movement in the audience, so she was able to explain the practice with more detail and precision (I was thrilled she was there!) One man talked about how difficult it had been for him to find a therapist that actually helped and asked me if I thought therapists were prepared to really deal w/the problems people were bringing today. I responded that I didn’t think any one person was equipped to deal with the issues since I don’t feel they are primarily individual ones. I also said (as did Ella) that I thought we needed to move away from looking to therapists for help and think about what we can do as community members. How can we start restructuring our daily lives to reduce stress and pressure, increase authentic connection, share resources, eat healthier and more local food, treat our environment better, etc etc? With the elections in both of my countries looming near, I am hopeful that we were start seeing new priorities in our governments that can support healing on a global scale.
One audience member offered a recommendation for the resource list which I’ll add but wanted to also put it in here so it wouldn’t get lost. There are two books by Kay Jamison, “An Unquiet Mind” and “Night Falls Fast.” I’ve read the first, quite an account of a clinical psychologist who was diagnosed w/bipolar disorder and her stories of that. I found this quote by her which I love:
“I long ago abandoned the notion of a life without storms, or a world without dry and killing seasons. Life is too complicated, too constantly changing, to be anything but what it is. And I am, by nature, too mercurial to be anything but deeply wary of the grave unnaturalness involved in any attempt to exert too much control over essentially uncontrollable forces. There will always be propelling, disturbing elements, and they will be there until, as Lowell put it, the watch is taken from the wrist. It is, at the end of the day, the individual moments of restlessness, of bleakness, of strong persuasions and maddened enthusiasms, that inform one’s life, change the nature and direction of one’s work, and give final meaning and color to one’s loves and friendships.”
Particularly sweet were the little connections that happened that night that had nothing to do with me: two professionals meeting who were in the same line of work but who had not met one another in person; a small group talking about the possibility of doing authentic movement together in the future; a reporter who had writtten about the project reconnecting with the paper who printed the article. Seems like my goal of creating connections with this project is certainly happening which is wonderful. We also met a bunch of folks interesting in bringing the show in to various institutions-so stay tuned!
I was thinking the other day about an analogy for depression and anxiety to illustrate why I don’t buy into the “illness” model. A woman giving childbirth came to mind. Most women in this situation are in pain and express it, sometimes vociferously! Would we ever think of calling them “ill?” I’m guessing this is more ridiculous because the “cause” of the pain is so evident and so close to the expression of it, but I think there is some merit in the comparison. I’d be interested in hearing people’s responses to this idea.
I was also pondering new ways, integrated ways, of working through or transforming the pain of anxiety and depression when it is at its darkest. Oftentimes, those who are suffering are simply incapable of doing the normal “work” required by daily life. It can also be a huge task to be the sole support of somebody dealing with this kind of intense darkness (partners or parents for the most part). What if we were to have some type of small, homey community wellness centers with a residential option that were designed to offer people a retreat. I am imagining these centers being run by people who have also struggled rather than “professionals,” along the lines of women’s centers. There would be many different types of information about healing available, such as acupuncture, meditation, support groups, interaction with children and/or animals, medication (obviously a psychiatrist would be needed if this were an option). I’m thinking about the AA model and, despite disagreeing with many of the principles of the 12 step program, I love that no professionals are involved and that so many communities have been formed that have helped people get sober.
I’ve also been involved with a new support group that has been interesting. I put out a notice on a few online bulletin boards as well as to people on my mailing list and a group of 8 women have found one another. The idea of the group is to support one another in “healthy living,” as we define it, as a collective, focusing on our strengths and goals as opposed to gathering around a stated problem or negative label. The group is still pretty new but it’s been fascinating so far and feels very radical in a quiet way. One issue that has come up is how do we make space for pain, or the expression of pain, such that it does not take over? I’m personally interested in creating spaces where all aspects of being human are embraced and accepted…knowing that this type of safety in intimacy is immensely powerful. But it is so difficult to be open in that way when we are so used to our dark sides being judged, labeled or rejected. I’ll post more as the group progresses. If members feel good about the process, it may be a model I’d like to write about in a more public forum, as there doesn’t seem to be anything like it around.
Seems there are more and more conversations about anxiety and depression in the media. Saw an article in the Montreal Gazette yesterday and, same day, heard a report on CBC talking about suicide from a psychiatric perspective. I’m very happy to see that we are reflecting on some of these issues. I would, however, like to broaden the conversation to include social, economic, environmental, nutritional, and political factors that are contributors to the suffering so many are experiencing. I will post about some ideas I had yesterday, alternative ways of responding to that suffering other than calling it an “illness” and placing it in the realm of the medical model.
Link to Gazette article highlighting recent research on antidepressants below.
www.canada.com/montrealgazette/news/saturdayextra/story.html?id=775a7ec6-0e07-48c3-9b7f-d0da46048980
Here are the updated resource lists-one, mental health resources in Montreal, and two, reading material I have used for my research plus other items suggested by audience members/project participants. Enjoy, and if you have other suggestions please let me know.
Our Montreal debut for “Crazy” was this past Saturday. In spite of a major administrative error (we had the incorrect address on the invitations-we’ve put a new system in place so this kind of mistake will NEVER happen again-our sincere apologies to those of you affected), the audience was amazingly generous and seemed to be quite engaged with the material. The 3 new monologues (anti-smoking commercial kids, suicide attempt, and last monologue) went very well. There was some confusion in the discussion that I felt even going into it and I feel more clear about why. There are actually two types of responses, related but different-reactions to the piece as an artwork, and reactions or thoughts/questions about the topic elicited by the piece. I’m thinking that next time I’ll divide the time, starting with responses to the play and then opening it up more broadly to theoretical, political, and social issues as well as related personal stories.
One question that has stuck with me, asked by an audience member, is how DO we support people who are going through a difficult time? What does that actually look like? What do we DO? I’d love to hear thoughts from readers about this.
We are gearing up for the Montreal preview of “Crazy” and are very excited…our new manager, Jonathan Himsworth, has done a wonderful job inviting a selected audience of people who have some connection to the material. We’re introducing the project to the community and looking to form some new partnerships to start getting the piece out into Quebec. Expecting a full house and then some…
Emily, my director, asked me a question that I woke up thinking about. She asked me after our rehearsal last night when I was actually suffering onstage and when I was actually joyful. I told her I never suffered onstage-and that I was joyful most of the time. I am not at all a method actor and generally don’t enjoy watching method actors (actors who train themselves to actually experience an emotion onstage rather than portraying it). Particularly with this piece, I am not interested in pretending to feel anything…and it’s essential that the audience trust me and really “get” that I am in charge and totally confident, given the material. The last thing you want is for an audience to worry about you as a performer (like, omigod, she’s crying, is she ok?!?)
So the question is, how do I describe what I actually DO do. I had an acting teacher who talked about Anna Deveare Smith’s work (she tapes interviews with real people involved in social crises like the LA riots or Crown Point in Brooklyn when the incidents happened between the Black and Hassidic communities and then portrays many of them in a show about the event-do look her up if you don’t know her, I think a few of her pieces are out on video). He said because of her acting style, you can tell she isn’t pretending to be any of them-that she maintains a sort of Brechtian distance even while slipping into the characters’ personas. You can always see HER while she is doing the characters, and this is a deliberate choice.
I’m not sure if this is what I do. But I completely admire her work and her performance style and know that her presence, the sense you have of her being 100% in the room with you every minute with 100% commitment, is what makes her riveting. And that is something I definitely do work with-continuing to come back to where I am and being with the audience, the particular audience in the particular circumstances where we are rather than emphasizing the 4th wall.
We had a fantastic experience last weekend. We hired videographer (and friend) Danny Weiss to do a professional shoot and opened it up to the public for an additional show. About 30 people came and most stayed for the discussion. We found a wonderful new aesthetic element, in addition to the beautiful new set by Isabel Archambault. During sound/video checks, I was testing the projection distance and the laundry happened to be hanging on the line instead of the sheet. The video projected onto the clothing and looked fantastically cool, so I quickly reblocked the opening so we could use it.
Some interesting topics of conversation were raised. One woman said her mother was an alcoholic and thought she was self medicating because that generation didn’t have medications to deal w/anxiety and depression. Another woman talked about a very positive hospitalization experience and how it was all about the group and group support-she also said her telling that story after our show was the first time she had “come out” about her hospitalization in public, which I found very moving. A nursing home social worker also brought in the importance of community and that many people don’t need drugs, they just need others to talk with and be close to.
One man raised the issue of economics in terms of people’s options and I feel strongly that I have to somehow acknowledge my own privilege in terms of my story (he basically said not many people’s families could afford to continually send their kids to therapy, which is true). I’m also finally working on that last video to shorten it and have found a way to not use the whole song and still have it work. The only remaining section I need to rework is the Anna segment-people are commenting that it is much more preachy than the other monologues and I agree…it’s all information, couched within a story but not very strongly. My friend, a medical doctor, commented that it presents a biased view since I don’t give the other information supporting the use of medicine. It’s hard to know what to do since it is a personal story and yet there are things I want to get across to the audience.
Only one more show for this tour-June 1st, Southern New Hampshire University’s community mental health master’s program. I’m very much looking forward to that, especially because the students are training to do counseling and also because the group will be small. I do need to start planning for next fall and beyond for the North American tour. I will be hiring a new staff person, a manager, and looking for new types of audiences both in Canada and the U.S. (and perhaps in Europe as well). Having all of this great documentation from the Vermont Community Foundation/VSA Arts of Vermont tour will serve us well in terms of making new connections and marketing. Again, somebody asked if we had performed for high school audiences and I think it could be really interesting.
We’re back on the road-will be in Burlington at the Main Street Landing Performing Arts Center on Sunday at 6:30. This space used to be known as the Waterfront Theater, corner of Lake and Battery Streets. We’ll be videotaping, but won’t have a panel or a workshops. I will however sit with the audience afterwards for an informal 20 minute discussion. Looking very much forward.
Thinking a lot about boundaries and sharing. It’s been a difficult time and here I am performing about some of those difficulties-telling stories about depression and anxiety from my life during a time when those very things are active. I was writing with another friend about capitalism and the American dogma of happiness-the link between the two-how “normal” has become defined as being upbeat and positive and if one deviates from that for anything more than a passing mood, one is often labeled as mentally ill. The human spirit is so much more complex than that. I long for a world in which grief has its right place and ample time, without people having to go underground and be separate because they aren’t cheerful enough. I feel a definite sense of having to disappear with all but a couple people closest to me when I am struggling. Disappear meaning, if I can pull myself together to be casual/chatty and positive, I can meet but otherwise, I keep to myself. I’ve met with enough judgment, discomfort, even anger or frustration when I’ve tried to be real in those moments. Why is pain so threatening? I think we don’t know how to relate to people when they are in pain. Maybe we also don’t know what we want when we are the people who are suffering. Personally, I tend to want to be seen and accepted-and if the person can relate in some way, to hear about that. I think that is very difficult to do. Often there is the impulse to “solve” the person’s pain so they can cheer up (and so the listener doesn’t have to be uncomfortable in the position of witnessing pain up close!). Like with older people, children, physically ill people, we section off people in pain and have them go see an “expert,” a therapist who they pay to provide those things (or who is paid by the state if it’s public). I imagine a society in which we, ordinary people, can do that for one another. Where we can normalize periods of grief and pain and transition and integrate care for people during those times so people don’t have to be separate when they are struggling.
Yesterday morning I had a phenomenal interview with a magazine reporter and the conversation has been swirling in my head since. She had a few interesting lines of questioning that I wanted to share and follow up on with some thoughts.
The first, something she phrased as delicate (and I gather she will not include this in the article), was about possible links between my Jewish background and the mental health issues. “Crazy” has lots of Jewish imagery and references and when I was creating it, that felt very important for me to include. We were wondering together whether the face of crazy is in part determined by culture. In other words, “dysfunctional” patterns might manifest frequently in one community but look completely different in another. It’s not rocket science, but I hadn’t looked at it that way before.
Several other audience members have commented to me, one on one, that they saw their story through mine and all but one were Jewish. They related strongly to the controlling bitter matriarch figure, the obsessive/compulsive behaviors, the not speaking, and the process of going to therapy for long periods of time. I’m curious where in the culture these particular manifestations come from-and very curious to hear from other people if you have any insights. I’m sure the historical oppression and lack of homeland is a piece of it though not sure exactly how it’s connected. And certainly, the focus on education and analysis of the Torah could easily lead to, in modern western life, a similar education and analysis of personal growth and relationships.
